Forgive me Father for I have Sinned!

Sin One: Masturbation

A big part of my guilty secrets and hence my hang-ups are to do with the sex I have had.

As a teenager, my hormones were in overload and I wanted to masturbate a lot. Who didn’t I wonder? My actual first sexual contact was with another boy, my school friend, Nathan.

When I was about 14, my Brother had given me a hardcore porn magazine called Blue Climax and this put sex into a whole new context.

Here were pictures and stories of men and women actually having sex and enjoying themselves. I loved and can still remember some of the text that went with the pictures.

It was so naughty, so dirty and so downright horny, it just made me want to wank even more.

When I told Nathan about the magazine, he immediately wanted to see it. I had to take it to his house as my place was a definite no no! There was no lock on our bathroom door and my Father would walk into my room any time he wanted. It was his house as far as he was concerned.

Both of us had never had such exposure before. The astonishing thing was that although we had both discussed sex, we had never been intimate in any way before. As soon as he started looking through the pages, he got a hard on and began rubbing at the bulge his trousers. That made me hard as well, seeing him so turned on! Soon we were both rubbing ourselves. I think he was the first to get his cock out and openly wank in front of me. It seemed natural for me to do the same.

If I wanted to masturbate on my own, I would go for a walk in the fields away from my Father’s house taking my magazine with me. During one of my walks, I unwittingly stumbled across what must have been the local cruising area, a patch of woodland not far from one of the local barracks.

At first I didn’t quite see why there were large numbers of males seemingly out for a walk. Then I came across a man getting a blow job and it all became clear! They looked embarrassed and the man tried to pull up his trousers quickly. I must have gone a very deep shade of pink and started walking very fast out of the wood. The last vestiges of my innocence were leaving me!

All this didn’t stop me feeling guilty when I masturbated. I used to feel terrible guilt after I had done the deed not just by myself, but with Nathan too, probably more so. This was because I had had it drummed into me about the terrible act I was committing. My Father would punish me for doing such things and even spoke to our Vicar about my spiritual guidance. Today, I can still feel the same way about looking at porn and masturbation which is part of the reason I started this blog.

Sometimes Nathan would come with me on my ‘walks’. If his parents were at home, his Mother had the habit of walking into his bedroom un-announced, offering biscuits which could make matters difficult. We didn’t really see ourselves as doing anything ‘gay’ as we were just wanking together. Things progressed one day when I took the chance and reached out to stroke his cock. I had wanted to touch his dick for sometime but I knew how to raise the subject. I must have been feeling especially horny that day because normally I would never have had the guts! Fortunately he seemed to like it, or at least he didn’t tell me to stop and reciprocated by wanking me. Having someone else’s hand on my dick was the most amazing sensation which I have never forgotten. It sent a shiver right through me and I ejaculated in a very short space of time. So did Nathan. After that we would play with each other quite often.

Things came to a head when I went too far one day and tried to give him a blow job.

After about a minute, he told me he didn’t like it and could we go back to wanking.

It was probably a bit too gay for Nathan. Not that I think he was homophobic or anything. He was excessively interested when I told him about the cruising area and wanted to know all the details. I think it turned him on in a funny sort of way. It certainly made him hard! I think Nathan just liked his sex to straight and the idea of me sucking him was too far from where he wanted to go. The mutual masturbation began to wane off after that.

One last thing that I found very stimulating and still do, was an incident in Church!

Nathan and I would always try to sit at the back, if my Father would let me as there were fewer people around. We would always muck about a bit and one day I had gotten a hard on for some reason which we were laughing about. I put my hand in my pocket of my trousers and slipped my prick out of my pants so that the head was poking out through the nylon lining of my trouser pocket. Nathan began to rub the head with his finger and I started to ooze precum out of the lining. Nathan got his fingers wet because he hadn’t realised and didn’t have anywhere to wipe them. The feeling of him touching my nylon covered dick was amazing. The material slid so smoothly over my knob, it felt fantastic!

I have repeated this experience again many times. Needless to say, I wanked off as soon as possible after Church.